Part 2
Their first stop was Rothenburg ob der Tauber, a medieval Bavarian town that looked so perfect Linda wrote in her new journal that it resembled the inside of a snow globe.
There were timbered buildings, steep roofs, cobblestone streets, and a Christmas market glowing beneath strings of warm lights.
That market became the first moment when Linda knew she had made the right decision.
Patricia walked beside her through rows of wooden stalls.
She bought a small ornament.
“I collect these instead of photographs,” Patricia explained. “Pictures disappear into your phone. Ornaments come out once a year and force you to remember.”
“Do you have a Christmas tree at home?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“For yourself?”
Linda thought about the decorations waiting in Ohio.
“It started as a tree for my son and daughter-in-law.”
She smiled.
“But I suppose it ended up being for me.”
Patricia nodded.
“That sounds like a better ending.”
Linda bought an ornament too.
A delicate glass globe with a tiny winter village inside.
It looked impossibly fragile.
She carried it in her hand luggage for the rest of the trip.
That evening, the group ate together around a long wooden table.
Linda sat between Patricia and Gerald, a sixty-five-year-old retired history teacher from Seattle.
Gerald seemed incapable of visiting a historical place without explaining it.
Normally, Linda might have found that exhausting.
Instead, she loved listening.
Gerald talked about trade routes, medieval architecture, family businesses, and the centuries-old purpose of Christmas markets.
His enthusiasm was contagious.
Eventually, Linda said:
“You must have been a good teacher.”
Gerald shrugged.
“I was adequate. I improved for thirty years and retired before I had time to get worse.”
Linda laughed.
“Do you miss teaching?”
“The students. Not the institution.”
“What do you do now?”
“I read. Travel when I can. And fail repeatedly at gardening.”
“My husband loved gardening.”
“Was he good?”
“Very.”
Linda smiled.
“I could kill almost anything. Paul could grow almost anything.”
“What happened to the garden after he died?”
“It’s still there. I maintain it badly. The perennials return because they’re stubborn. I gave up on annuals.”
Gerald looked down at his wine.
“My wife had roses.”
Linda looked at him.
“I killed them the first year after she died.”
“How long has she been gone?”
“Six years.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then Linda asked:
“Children?”
“Two daughters. Wonderful women. Very busy.”
“My son is good too.”
She paused.
“Also very busy.”
Gerald lifted his glass.
“And yet here we are.”
Linda raised hers.
“And here we are.”
The following days carried them through Nuremberg, Munich, Salzburg, Innsbruck, and eventually Switzerland.
Each city gave Linda something she hadn’t known she was missing.
In Salzburg, she and Patricia spent twenty minutes debating whether its Christmas market was better than Rothenburg’s.
It was the first argument Linda had enjoyed in years.
Then came Innsbruck.
And the mountains.
Linda had not stood before mountains since a Colorado road trip with Paul in 1998.
She had forgotten what they did to perspective.
The enormous peaks didn’t make her problems disappear.
They simply moved them farther away.
Hannah’s voice telling her to stay home moved backward.
The empty Christmas house moved backward.
Eight years of reshaping herself around everyone else’s expectations moved backward.
The mountains remained.
Huge.
Silent.
Indifferent.
Patricia came and stood beside her.
She said nothing.
Linda realized she hadn’t had a friend who knew when silence was enough in a very long time.
By the seventh day, in Lucerne, Linda did something she almost never did.
She posted photographs online.
She had created a social media account two years earlier because Mark suggested it might help her stay connected.
Mostly she used it to look at other people’s grandchildren.
But this time she posted pictures of herself.
Christmas markets.
Meals she couldn’t pronounce.
The ornaments she had collected.
A wooden bear from Salzburg.
A small cowbell from Innsbruck.
A paper star from Lucerne.
Then she posted a photograph taken on Lucerne’s famous wooden bridge.
Patricia stood beside her.
Gerald stood on the other side.
All three of them were laughing.
The winter sunlight fell across the river behind them.
When Linda looked at the photo later, she noticed something that stopped her.
She looked happy.
Not politely smiling.
Not posing.
Laughing.
She hadn’t seen herself laugh like that in a photograph since Paul died.
Within two hours, her phone filled with notifications.
Old friends.
Neighbors.
Women from church.
Paul’s sister.
People she hadn’t spoken to in years.
The messages all sounded similar.
You look wonderful.
Where are you?
I didn’t know you were traveling!
You look so happy.
And several people asked:
Who is the man?
The man was Gerald.
Nothing more.
A retired history teacher who had killed his late wife’s roses and become Linda’s friend during a twelve-day tour.
But in the photograph, he was standing close enough to create questions.
That evening, Mark called.
“Mom.”
“Yes?”
“Who is that guy?”
Linda smiled.
“His name is Gerald. He’s a retired teacher from Seattle.”
“You look…”
He stopped.
“Happy?” Linda offered.
“I was going to say comfortable.”
“That too.”
There was a pause.
“I didn’t know you were going to Europe.”
“I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Why?”
Linda thought about it.
“Because I didn’t want anyone giving me opinions about whether I should go.”
Mark became quiet.
“Mom…”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“I’m sorry about Christmas.”
“I know.”
“Hannah should never have—”
“Mark.”
He stopped.
Linda looked around her hotel room.
“I’m having a wonderful time. I’m in Switzerland. I’ve walked through Christmas markets and seen mountains and stood on a bridge that’s centuries old. I’ve met people. I’ve laughed.”
“You looked great in that picture.”
“I feel great.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to do things like this.”
Linda smiled.
“Neither did I.”
Then she added:
“Not until your father reminded me.”
“Dad?”
“Not literally. But sometimes I still hear him in my head. He used to tell me I spent too much time looking after everyone else.”
Mark sighed.
“He was right.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
Then Linda said:
“Come to dinner when I get home. Bring Hannah. I’ll make the pecan pie.”
“Mom, you don’t have to.”
“I know.”
She smiled.
“I want to. There’s a difference.”
That sentence changed something between them.
Before ending the call, Mark said:
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
When Linda put the phone down, she opened the journal she had been writing in every night.
She hadn’t kept a journal since she was nineteen.
She had forgotten that writing something down was another way of keeping it.
That night she wrote:
Day seven. Lucerne. Patricia. Gerald. The bridge. Mark called. I’m here. I’m actually here.
Then:
Paul was right. I should have been doing this years ago.
She stared at the sentence.
Then added:
But maybe I wasn’t ready until now.
The thought felt important.
On the tenth day, Greta took the group to a small Alpine town not listed in the official itinerary.
Patricia and Linda walked ahead until they reached a snowy overlook.
Mountains disappeared into the clouds beyond the valley.
Patricia asked:
“What are you going to do when you get home?”
Linda frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“With your life.”
Patricia looked at her.
“Are you going back to exactly what you were doing before?”
Linda imagined the house.
The decorations.
The holidays where she had gradually become an extra person inside other people’s plans.
Eight years of being useful without asking whether she was fulfilled.
“No,” Linda said.
“What will you do instead?”
“I don’t know yet.”
She looked toward the mountains.
“But it will be different.”
Patricia nodded.
“I started over at sixty-eight.”
Linda looked at her.
“I thought it was too late.”
“Was it?”
“No.”
“What changed?”
Patricia smiled.
“I started saying yes.”
“To what?”
“This.”
She gestured toward the valley.
“Trips. Conversations. Learning things I didn’t need to learn. Being interested in the world instead of only being useful to one tiny part of it.”
Linda repeated the phrase quietly.
“Useful to one tiny part of it.”
“That’s what I was.”
“And?”
“It wasn’t enough.”
Linda nodded.
“No. It wasn’t.”
